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21:14 - Feb. 27, 2008
l'ete
do you ever remember so vividly as when you're in love? piazzola's melodies are like poems, like love lines i hear over and over. and they talk of steamy nights, florida's summer, tango on the porch of a french restaurant... and later, the gecko outside, moushie... making love on the floor, under the fan, and then later drinking mango and papaya smoothies, driving home in the early hours of the morning... piazzola sings the melodies of my heart. and then, when he was ready to leave this town, we went to his country and lived one single life, from one single heart; indivisible, completely. leaving him was like being ripped apart. now, and now, i'm about to go back to him. never in the same way; never the same people, but with him still. and joyful, still. i've changed. since i left pennsylvania, i mean, i've changed. it's harder for me to reconcile the idea of who i know all the people still there to be with who i am now. not that i'm completely new, but i've learned so much from living in these different places, and these things have become part of me, irrevocably. florida will always live in me somewhere, as will his country, and pennsylvania. i am all of these things and none of them. it's just now i know there isn't one particular place in this world that i long for, or seek; the place i seek is not in this world, and the home i long exists only within my heart. and, for that, i am different from all those people who stayed in the place i came from.and yet i bring all these things, places, people, experiences, with me. i have been privilaged to walk alongside men and women over months and years towards their eventual end, and i have seen them take their last breaths. i have seen grieving family members call out and mourn; i have stood by a family torn by the grief of a teenage daughter's anguish for a lost mother and laughed with old men as they remember their youthful escapades. i have been blessed.
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