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22:06 - Jan. 08, 2008
learning to own it
i've felt like a strange with my own instrument for almost as long as i've played it; like a foreigner in my own world of classical music... what is a musician without an instrument? a musicologist ; ) the familiarity is coming slowly, and it's so more of an internal matter than an external one. in fact, almost all of it is internal. i'm still overcoming those attitudes i learned when i began this instrument, at the most vulnerable and unstable period in my life. it's amazing how the body holds on to those things, and amazing how much work it takes to re-learn the way i want to feel when i play - physically, mentally and emotionally. amazing. i want to own my own musicality when i play; to own my musicianship and potential, as well as where i am now. of course i'm always growing in these things, but to know, in every second i spend with that instrument, that i have the potential to make something beautiful; sounds that reflect what i percieve and who i am inside...
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