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18:39 - Jan. 06, 2008
it isn't about waiting, it's about living
we talked for nearly two hours; i could have spoken with him all night and not gotten tired. he had to go practice the brahms, he says's it's memorized now. i wish i was there to hear how he practiced, to hear each progression as he learned it and as he is learning it... sometimes it seems so unfair that we can't share more of our lives. and even when i move there, it won't be therethere but two hours away, no traffic... and we're just going to have to make it work. i want my master's degree. we are equals - i've always felt that. and if i were to simply go there to live with him, perhaps now get married and have children (for sure he's ready and i could be too) we would cease to be partners, equally sharing our lives and dreams, but i would become his partner, sharing his dream and helping him. it might be nice for a while, but it isn't what i want. what's wonderful is that isn't what he wants for me either; he wants an equal, as do i. we talked about this on our second date, a month before we ever kissed. will our dreams wait another two years? if we're ready now, apparently? we are so together; i can't picture my life without him. i can't imagine a future without him, or a present. our lives are filled with each other, with the things we share and experiences we have. what is marriage but a ceremony, a marking place; what are years but an illusion to make us thing something has changed? we change each moment. and each moment we are with one another, somewhere in our hearts that space and time and distance have nothing to do with. it isn't about waiting, it's about living. even here; even 15 hours apart by car it's about living - about sharing our hearts, our dreams, our hopes and perceptions and excitements and disappointments. living is a dynamic thing, and do i think we're not sharing it here? we share so much. maybe not a cup of tea, or a quiet dinner or a walk or a bed... we share what we can, and each step i take toward moving there is a step closer together.
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