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17:04 - Dec. 02, 2007
17-minute incriments
in 17 minute incriments, sometimes even 22 or 41, we share what we can through a telephone. we talk about little things, and music things; daily things and life things and always there are a million more things i want to share with him, but can't... today in church (not my church, but the one i go to) i had to go inside myself and what i saw was a dual self - the soul self was intact and strong and if not hopeful, at least courageous. but the emotional self was all crumpled and weak and looked like it was dying, or just shriveling up. and all during the service i (the strong soul-me) took it and nurtured it, at one point resorting to asking what it loved and as each thing was named i brough it out - animals to pet and love, beautiful flowers, and even marsh creek where we went and laid on the ground, and i realized how homesick i was. it's not that i miss it because i want to live there forever and ever, it's just that i get some kind of nurturing from being there, and i miss that. it's the same with him and this friend he found from brazil - they get some kind of nurturing about a similar culture from one another, and at times that's incredibly comforting. i wish i could give that to him... maybe someday i will. but the challenge, then, is to take care of myself. it's to remain conscious of and disciplined enough to manage and control the lower faculties, or bodies, and not be controlled by them. that's always the challenge, but especially now. harder times bring everything into clearer focus, somehow.
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