19:26 - Nov. 06, 2007
hell
now look here. i know boundaries have always been an issue, and continue to be as evidenced by this email. and here are my boundaries: i am not willing any longer to share and partake in your - read: not mine - personal and spiritual inner growth. i think what you're doing is wonderful and i support it and am happy you seem to be finding some resolution. but hear this, and please understand i am trying my best to say and think and act from a place of love, that i am no longer willing to share in your inner growth.

i acknowledge the many sacrifices you've made in raising your children, but my childhood was shaped by your and my father's relationship. i lived my entire life up until i moved to florida in your shadow, paying for your choices. and as i stand on the edge of the rest of my life, preparing the way for what i want my future to be, i am supremely happiest about one thing, and that is simply that my life is my own. i am paying for no one else's choices but my own, and i am responsible for no one else's decisions but my own. perhaps i'm extremely selfish to desire my own life, but my freedom is more precious than attachment. i'm happy you're going where you're going, but i'm not going with you. that isn't my job. i'm your daughter.

perhaps it's the guilt of things not done, or not said. but i never had any reason to hang on to that. not anymore. what's done is done, and you just move on with life. no my childhood was not easy or smooth always or simple. but it was what it was, and it's over now. i'm no longer a child and i am always shaped by my experiences, but no longer reactionary to them. i have no ability to forgive you if you cannot forgive yourself. i hold no blame, and point no fingers. that isn't my job.

but don't you dare; don't you/dare/ put your assumptions onto me. if i wasn't clear enough about setting my boundaries, i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings. so here are my boundaries - stay out of my space. i want my freedom and if i don't have the right to my own, inner freedom what kind of freedom do i have otherwise? and if you had an issue with that, i would prefer you approach it logically and calmly without resorting to the passive-agressive behaviour exampled in this email.

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