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00:09 - Sept. 23, 2007
gratitude creates abundance
how precious is this thing con mi amor... more than any material /thing/. and how surprising to realize what i have invested in it, in us. so much... i have already agreed to so much, and it's conscious. i chose to keep his car here to sell it, i chose to drive up there and help him move, i chose to pay the service charge in order to spend more time with him, and i'm choosing to apply to schools that are close to where he is. his presence in my life has changed everything, and yet it hasn't. i always knew i wasn't going to stay here forever, and that i want children and a doctorate and that i'm a musician who loves sociology, that i want to keep learning languages... but in meeting him my life and dreams suddenly solidified into reality and definate possibility. i look at the picture i have of us, arms around one another in his country, and i see us as parents; i see our children looking at that photo and seeing their parents. he is why i started playing vioin again, why i was able to choose the field of musicology, why i'm moving out of this place in less than a year, and why i'm going back to school next fall. it isn't that these things wouldn't have happened without him, but that they're also happening because of him.but all these outer things aren't why he is precious to me. that's because... well, because he is precious in my heart not as a jewel is precious; not as something that can be /owned/ is precious, but as something that is important, and dear and esteemed and valued beyond measure. precious. invaluable. and yet, each thing in each moment.
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