22:58 - Sept. 13, 2007
de la change est de la vie
i realized tonight, perhaps for the first time, just how much i'm giving up to persue this graduate degree.
and i can't quite believe i'm doing this.
maybe it was submitting those online applications that drove it home for me. before now i was planning to apply, but now i've actually applied. not completely, of course. the whole process is going to occupy my time and energy for the next few months, what with the GRE, preparing an audition, editing my old research papers, writing my essays, getting letters of recommendation and the such. i can't believe i'm doing this.
i looked around my house; my-house-that-i-bought-and-built-on-my-own-with-my-own-money, and at the life i've made here: my job and co-workers whom i love dearly, my church families, the quirkiness of this whole area and how much i've learned down here... i can't believe i'm leaving it all. and it makes me want to send in an application to the local university. i might as well - it's one of the best in the country for musicology.
but the whole point of applying in virginia was to be closer to him... and because they're wonderful schools. of course that. i just can't believe i'm doing this.
and, then again, i can't see myself staying here, not going to school, either. it's just the way i function, the way my life goes - it goes. stagnancy isn't something i'm used to, or will get used to. but after working so, so hard to /finally/ feel at home here i'm already planning to leave... but never really leaving home. didn't john cage say 'i carry my home on my back, which enables me to fly'? life is an adventure, and this is just the next step. felicitations á moi. de la change est de la vie.
