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17:44 - Jun. 27, 2007
sacred woods
we've each found our place, my step-sister and i. she, the artist, with her painter and me, musician, with a pianist. our lives filled with the art of choice. but i envy her silent and sacred connection with the earth, divas, flowers, seasons; all the spiritual things we used to worship as we grew up together. but i could never live like she does... and we still understand one another, after all this time, like sisters. i'm close to her in a way my mother will never understand and never condone, although my brother understands. before my mother met and married my step-father, my brother and i shared a secret world of imagination inside the house, and i always had the internal world of the piano to retreat into. there was a lot of yelling and not a lot of money, but the three of us were close. i had a good childhood. and as i grew i began reading more and more - another internal world into which i could retreat. i read mostly historic fiction, stories that took place in ireland and england before or during the roman occupation. it was my introduction to mythology and i drank it up like nectar... and the four of us played in the endless woods, danced around bonfires to gaelic music and made homes by the creek where we waded. we gathered herbs, made tools and potions, and prayed with the trees and plant spirits and dreamed. it was a mythical world all our own...sometimes i want to retreat into that space again. i feel the poignant loss of those childhood worlds; the loss of connection with the earth, with the voices of plants and trees, the changing of the seasons. there's just a balance to be found, is all. we can have the hearts of children forever, if we try, but we can't remain in the isolated world of childhood forever. at least, i don't want to. i want to be with others, learning and growing and doing.
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