18:57 - Mar. 07, 2007
on y va
i'm feeling a little disillusioned at the moment. there are still these ups and downs: expectations and reality adjustments. all together it's a good thing for me, and he's recprocated that sentiment verbally to me as well. i just have some doubts about a few things... like whether i'm a rebound-girl, and how his communication is going to be with me in the future. and perhaps part of the reason for these thoughts is the fact that i'm so amazed that this relationship has worked out like i hoped it would.

i remember what i felt the first time i saw him, and the hope that filled me for a week. the time between then and now hasn't been smooth by any means, and it hasn't been quick either, but what's here is finally something to believe in. and i was thinking earlier, perhaps this is just like beginning to learn a new piece of music that's much more difficult than the piece i just mastered. the feelings of doubt and unsureness and insecurity are all coming up again, but it isn't because the foundation isn't there, rather it's just i don't trust it yet. in this new level of intimacy, i am still learning to trust him and to ensure that this relationship is still a secure container for my hope and dreams, and a place for me to live my truth. only time and experience will tell that. donc; on y va.

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