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18:53 - Feb. 14, 2007
either way, i need to know
yes, i agree that three days is too long to not see him. but even if ses pensees me manquent, what about son coeur? i'm not content with only thoughts; with only intellectual relations. and i don't care if i have to continue being patient, it's just that i need to know one way or the other: is he willing to engage with the heart and hands as well as the mind and spirit? what i want is a relationship with him that spans all the levels of existence, and while we've set up a good foundation already, i'm becoming concerned that i've involved too much of my heart before it was prudent. we've talked about the future in a very vague way, and i could just sit back and be patient, except for the fact that he's living with another girl - presumably an ex-girlfriend - but hasn't exactly told me what she is to him. and i'm becoming nervous that i've, yet again, made a fool of myself and invested more of my heart than was wise. i need for him to tell me if he wants to date me or not - that's all. i don't care when, i just need to know his intentions. mine, of course, are to see if he's really someone i want to marry or not. up until this point, he's been a definite possibility. so tomorrow night i'm turning pages for his recital with his tango group (i still hear the surprise in my violin teacher's voice when she saw me at the rehearsal on sunday) and afterwards i hope we can go out for some tea, and a talk. because i really want a relationship - a dating relationship - with this man. i just need to know, either way, if he does or not.
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