14:45 - Apr. 24, 2005
percy's death is inconsequential
it's all about not paying too much for the whistle; the balance between paying too much and paying not enough. and that's the thing - it's a balance, there are no clear cut answers. or, at least, very few.
can you imagine i've had this online journal thing since i was 18??? i was so, so so! young. and being in this position - graduated and actually seriously considering possibly getting married at some far date in the future, and renting my very own apartment and having my very own job and a dog. i couldn't have ever thought i'd be where i am now when i started this journal, or even a few months ago. so how can i imagine what i want out of a marriage, if i can't even seem to hold on to a boyfriend for longer than two months at a time. unless i've known him in high school, which means that our relationship drags out for years and years, flaring up again between other boys... oh geeze. i think i'm looking forward to being an actual adult with an adult job and an adult apartment and maybe someday an adult relationship. but not too adult. : ) just not so crazy-unstable and inbetween lives. it's all my life, my one singular life, i know, but i feel like i'm all scattered between pittsuburgh new york and philadelphia and i just want to go home. hear that? i want to go back to philly, my dirty, gray, depressing, heavy, wonderful city. it's where i'm from and nothing can take that away. besides, my family and grandparents are there and i want to be with them. this is big. i think i'm actually growing up a little.
