12:53 - Dec. 21, 2004
and the sky's calling me home
i'm asking why about a lot of things. our christmas tree is up in the family room. the entire physical contents of my life are in boxes, in the garage. my hands are cold, my teeth are clean and my pants need to be washed. i can't find my shoes.
i'm seeing pittsburgh today - seeing it in the gray skies here, and in the song i'm listening to. i'm seeing my roommate... her cats, the couch downstairs and the clouds passing so high up that i watch from my bed on the floor. "sons are like birds, flying always over the mountains..."
i feel the cold of the wind and rain as i ride my bike, and the ultimate joy as i spin over the pavement. i remember meeting friends in their hot apartment and cooking all night long. i remember the night of his recital when we spoke so much without a word, and the last time i slept with him; how we talked about leaving and being grateful for ever moment of sadness, just because it's a part of life.
and so now i'm being grateful, i guess, by honoring my sadness and my loss. i miss the home i made for myself there. i feel like it's still there in pittsburgh, waiting for me to come back. and i'm starting to realize that i'm not going back. i'm not going back, but the skies today are speaking of pittsburgh and my home. home.
life moves on. just like watching the snow falling in the light of the streetlamps that night, life just keeps going; just like snow. all down the street, it was dark except for the streetlights and the snow was falling in the light, all down the street... and it just kept coming, and coming.
the sky's calling me home today.
