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15:35 - Aug. 08, 2009
work
i just watched some videos on the internet - hospice workers, bereavement workers, and families talking about their experiences with terminal patients, children and families... and i realized that this work isn't sacred for me anymore. it used to be - it most certainly used to be, but now it feels like just a job.
i know this is what i was complaining of in florida, but i think it's the same problem - i think i'm burnt out. the inspiration to do something better isn't there, and i'm not excited by my job but instead i go and get it done. and i'm not proud of this. perhaps i should have quit hospice music therapy when i realized i was going to work on auto-pilot... perhaps i'm not putting in the effort, or perhaps i don't take good enough care of myself. perhaps it isn't a place for me to work and grow and make use of my abilities. maybe i'm just not cut out for being employed by anyone else. well, whatever it is i'm grateful there are hospice workers out there who are not completely burnt out with what they do, and find their job interesting and their skills equal to the task. as for me, i do the best i can until the time i can move on to a different work.
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